


Heightened Emotions

by Rosalynd



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Crying, Heavy Angst, M/M, Multi, Patton is extremely emotional, Patton's mental state is severely altered, Seizures, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sobbing, Virgil's Room, Vomiting, can be seen as platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 22:10:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18973576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosalynd/pseuds/Rosalynd
Summary: Set between Embarrassing Phases and Selfishness v. Selflessness.Patton felt like anything he said to Virgil was somehow doing something wrong. He felt like he couldn't talk to Virgil properly anymore. He needed to speak to him about this. However, when going to speak to him, he found himself locked in Virgil's room alone. Anxiety's effects started to take hold of him.





	Heightened Emotions

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [[L]unacy… [O]verwrought… [G]oing [I]nsane… [C]razy...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14402046) by [love_write_edit_sleep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_write_edit_sleep/pseuds/love_write_edit_sleep). 



> I wrote this ages ago. I read it again recently and thought it sounded quite good so I thought I'd post it. I wrote it before Selfishness v. Selflessness came out, so this is set after Embarrassing Phases.  
> The concept of this story was inspired by a fanfiction by love_write_edit_sleep called "[L]unacy… [O]verwrought… [G]oing [I]nsane… [C]razy...". Please read it and all of their fanfictions because all of them are absolutely amazing!
> 
> WARNING: This story is quite intense and distressing. There is self-harm, blood, vomit, seizures and extreme despair.

Patton knocked on Virgil's door.

"Virgil? Can we talk, kiddo?"

No answer.

"Please, Virgil."

Still no answer.

Patton was determined to speak to him. He opened the door and stepped inside.

He jumped when he heard the door slam.

"Virgil?" He called. He wasn't there. He turned around and tried to open the door, but discovered that it was locked. "Oh dear."

He stood up straight and tried to sink out, but discovered he couldn't.

"It's fine...Virgil is probably with Thomas right now. He'll come back soon."

As Patton stood there waiting, he thought about the reason he wanted to talk to Virgil.

He had always tried to show him love and support, but it turned out Virgil didn't like that. It felt like anything he said to him was somehow doing something wrong. He hated the idea of Virgil hating him. But what could he do? Patton loved saying nice things about all the sides, but when he said those nice things to Virgil, Virgil didn't like it.

"Virgil doesn't love me anymore." Patton muttered sadly to himself. Some black eyeshadow had formed under his eyes. "I don't want to stop talking to Virgil...but it feels like that is the only solution."

Tears formed in his eyes. "Why did I even come here to talk to him? He would have probably just gotten mad at me and...I wouldn't know what to do with myself if that happened."

More black eyeshadow formed under his eyes.

"What's the point? No matter what I do or say to him, I will always be doing something wrong and upsetting him...I don't want to upset him!" Tears overflowed in his eyes and he fell to his knees. "The thought of making him upset tears me apart inside...I want him to be happy."

The eyeshadow became the darkest it had been. "I'm sorry, Virgil!" He sobbed into his hands.

"Virgil!" he wailed. "Virgil!!" He looked around as if trying to find him. He shakily stood up. "Virgil!" he walked over to the door and began banging his fist so hard on the door.

"VIRGIL! VIRGIL!" He sobbed. 

He banged on the door for a minute which made his hands red and sore. When he heard no response, he slid down the door and onto the floor as sobs racked his body.

Suddenly he heard a voice.

_ Use this. _ He heard. Then a knife was flung down in front of him from a drawer.  _ Virgil wants you to hurt yourself. He thinks your worthless. They all do because you can't do anything right. _

"No..." He objected weakly.

_ You can't love anyone right. _

Patton slapped a hand to his mouth. His eyes burned with fresh tears and he choked out another sob.

_ They all think your silly and stupid. _

"I'm supposed to be silly...I'm their happy pappy Patton..."

_ They all can see how stupid you were for treating Virgil like a kid. You can't do anything right. _

The knife was then flung into his hands. 

As much as it hurt him, he believed all of those words.

He took the knife and sliced his wrist. He gasped in pain.

"Virgil hates me..."

He sliced again, watching the blood pour from his wrist.

He then caught something out of the corner of his eye.

At the end of the room, there stood Virgil. But he was mostly made of shadow.

"Virgil? Virgil!" He cried, going to get up, but he suddenly felt light headed and stumbled over his legs, collapsing to the ground. He tried getting up again, but he couldn't find the strength. He looked up and reached out for him.

"Virgil! I'm sorry... ! He sobbed. 

 

**_Patton?_ **

**_Patton!_ **

 

He heard Logan's voice.

He heard him pull at the door.

 

**_What are you doing, Logan?_ **

 

Virgil's voice.

 

"Virgil!!" Patton sobbed.

 

**_Patton appears to be locked in here._ **

 

**_What!?_ **

 

The door flung open.

"Patton!?" Virgil cried. He saw Patton lying on the floor, sobbing, blood gushing from his wrist. "Patton!" He rushed to his side.

"Oh my goodness, Patton!" Logan cried, rushing over.

Patton's sobs became so intense that it sounded like he was choking on his own sadness.

"Patton?" Virgil held his face gently with one of his hands. His eyes welled up with tears when it seemed like Patton did not know he was even there.

"Let's lift him up, Virgil." Logan said. They both put their hands under him and lifted his body until he slumped against Virgil.

"Virgil! " he sobbed. "I'm sorry! I can't do anything right!"

Virgil wrapped his arms around him.

"We need to get him out of here." Virgil growled at Logan.

Patton screamed into Virgil's hoodie. 

"Agreed." Logan then swiftly lifted Patton up and ran out of the room. Virgil ran out with him, closing the door behind him.

Logan ran into his own room and put Patton on the bed. Patton was still sobbing like he was going to cough up his lungs.

Suddenly, a look of terror came over him and he slapped a hand to his mouth. He launched himself off the bed and towards the bin that was next to the door, but he couldn't find his footing and so collapsed and landed on his stomach. He then propped himself up on his elbow and threw up on the floor. 

Virgil and Logan watched in dismay. How long had Patton been in there? Patton continued to sob, unable to get up.

Logan knelt down next to him. He lay a gently hand on his back and chest, trying to sit him up. "It's alright, Patton. Nothing is going to hurt you here."

Patton suddenly hugged Logan tightly and screamed into his shirt.

"Please don't hate me!" He screamed.

Logan lifted him up and took him over to the bed. Patton refused to let him go.

"I can't-I can't love anyone right! You all hate me! Virgil hates me! I can't even love him right! I can't do anything right!" He screamed, his breathing heavy and erratic.

"We love you Patton." Logan said. He stroked his hair and caressed his face. "Shh...it's alright...shh... Breathe, Patton, breathe. Virgil can you get some bandages?"

Virgil was staring at Patton like he was a car crash and he couldn't look away.

"Virgil?"

"Y-yeah, I'll get Princey."

Patton still couldn't calm down.

"Logan! Where's Virgil? He's left me! He doesn't love me anymore! I've failed him!" 

"Shh...he's coming back."

Patton screamed again. Logan continued stroking his face and he grabbed his hand tightly.

"Patton, I love you. We all love you. You are loving and caring, how could we possibly hate you?"

Virgil ran in with the bandages.

"Patton!?" Roman breathed when he saw Patton writhing and sobbing on the bed.

Virgil handed the bandages to Logan and they swapped places. Virgil grabbed his hand and he held his face.

"Virgil! I'm sorry!"

"You have nothing to apologise for, Patton!"

"I made you feel upset! I can't love you right! I always do something wrong! I don't know what to do! I love you so much!" He sobbed. "You hate me because I treat you like a kid! But I love you and I don't know how else to express it!"

"Roman! Hold his arm down!" Logan yelled. Roman leaped onto the bed and held it down as Logan continued with the bandages.

This made Patton scream. His scream made Virgil burst into tears.

"I'm sorry for ever making you feel like I don't love you!" He yelled. He didn't know what else to say to him; he wasn't good in these kinds of of situations. So he hugged him tightly.

As soon as Roman let go of Patton's arm, Patton flung his arms around Virgil and sobbed loudly into his shoulder. 

Suddenly, Patton convulsed and his limbs fell off his back.

"Patton!?" Virgil cried.

"He appears to be having a seizure." Logan said, he then pushed past Virgil, grabbed another pillow of his and put it under his head. He then unbuttoned his polo.

"What do we do!?" Virgil yelled. 

"Nothing! We just have to wait until it passes." Logan said.

"How did this happen?" Roman asked.

"I would guess that Patton must have been wanting to talk to Virgil about when Virgil told him that he didn't like it when he talked about him like, and I quote, 'an innocent, harmless angel'. He was somehow trapped in the room where anxiety's effects took him over and heightened his emotions to a point where he hurt himself. We really must install a lock on your room, Virgil, to prevent this from happening again in the future. This really isn't healthy."

Patton's seizure passed. His body relaxed onto the bed and they all watched as his eyes fluttered open.

"Virgil...?" He croaked. 

"Virgil is here, Patton." Logan said, stepping aside. 

Virgil approached the bed and took Patton's hand in his. Patton looked up at him with tired eyes.

"Hey, kiddo..." He smiled weakly. His eyes welled up with tears. "I'm sorry...for everything. I'm sorry I've become so affected by this. I should respect your wishes, I just...I don't know how to talk to you anymore..."

"Patton...there's nothing stopping you from telling me that you love me. From telling me that I'm doing a good job. I just worry that...Thomas won't take me seriously and let his guard down."

"Maybe calling you a sweet, angelic songbird doesn't send the right message..." He said. "...can I call you my bittersweet angel?"

Virgil smiled. "I guess that has a sort of dark edginess to it while still being supportive."

"Are we still friends?" Patton asked after a small silence.

"Of course we are, Patton!"

"You don't hate me for being silly and mushy? "

"No."

"Without you being, 'silly and mushy', as you put it," Logan chimed in. "Thomas would be a crying, anxious drama queen."

"I'm not silly when I tell you all how much I love you? I don't overdo it, do I?"

"No!" Virgil cried.

"Of course not, Patton. I think Thomas needs that positivity. "

"Self love is important!" Roman said.

"I'm sorry for going into your room without asking, Virgil. I just really needed to talk to you about all this."

"It's fine, although I think from now on, if you don't hear me from beyond the door, do not go inside."  

Patton nodded.

"Hey...Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?"

They all looked at him unsure.

"Because it was two tired." With that, his eyes fluttered closed and he fell asleep. 

Virgil smiled. 

"Ohhh! I get it!" Roman whispered.

"I have no comment. " Logan said, trying to suppress his smile.

Virgil brushed Patton’s hair back and kissed him on his forehead. He then slumped back into Logan's office chair and put his face in his hands.

"Guys...should I have told Patton to stop talking about me like I'm innocent and harmless?"

"I think you were well in your right to do that. You are anxiety, and for the optimum degree of tension, you must keep Thomas a little anxious at times. So you must be frightening to him, at least somewhat. But, I also agree that Patton holds nothing but love and support for you, and wants nothing but for you to be fully included and listened to in our group so you can help Thomas get through his dilemmas."

" Yeah...I guess you're right. "

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for putting sweet boi Patton through that!


End file.
